Loss of libido: no desire for sex?
There are many things that can kill your libido. Once you know what they are, you can rediscover desire. All it takes is curiosity and a few health hacks to boost your libido.
Key points in brief
- Libido is sexual desire. It is influenced by the body, the mind, relationships and the environment.
- Loss of libido often has several causes. These include stress, conflicts, hormones, illnesses, pain and medication.
- Reducing stress, exercising and talking openly can help. If the problem persists and causes distress, it is advisable to seek professional help.
Libido: what is it?
Libido refers to our desire for intimacy and sex. Physical, psychological, relationship-related and social factors all determine our levels of sexual desire.
From a biological perspective, libido starts in the brain. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine and sex hormones such as testosterone and oestrogen control the intensity of our sexual desire and how we respond to sexual stimuli.
“Generally speaking, it’s perfectly normal for our libido to fluctuate.”
Loss of libido: why don’t I feel like having sex?
When libido declines, it is often due to a combination of physical, psychological and relationship-related factors.
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Loss of libido in women
A loss of libido in women is often linked to hormonal fluctuations, particularly oestrogen and progesterone. These changes occur throughout the menstrual cycle, during pregnancy, while breastfeeding or during perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause.
Pain during sex can also reduce sexual desire. Such pain may be caused, for example, by severe pelvic floor spasms – or by chronic pain in the vulvar area (hypersensitivity of the nerve fibres), endometriosis, genital infections or vaginal dryness.
Psychological and relationship-related factors such as stress, emotional distance or unresolved conflicts also have a significant effect on women’s libido.
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Loss of libido in men
In men, a loss of libido is often linked to low testosterone or other endocrine disorders. However, stress and relationship factors also play a role, although they generally tend to have less of an effect than they do in women.
When male libido declines, many men interpret this as a “performance problem.” However, sexual desire and erectile function are two different things. When the libido declines, the inner desire for sex diminishes. Erectile dysfunction, on the other hand, refers to the physical inability to achieve or maintain an erection.
At what point is it considered a loss of libido?
“It’s perfectly normal for our libido to fluctuate," says Stefanie Gonin-Spahni. Such phases often occur when we’re under a great deal of stress, during an illness or around major life events, such as the birth of a child.
However, if the loss of libido persists, there are certain signs that may indicate it is worth seeking an assessment by a specialist:
- Those affected experience a persistent or recurrent lack of sexual fantasies.
- They feel little or no desire for sexual activity.
- They rarely take the initiative when it comes to sex.
“In practice, we refer to a loss of libido when it persists for several weeks to months, is experienced as distressing by those affected, and negatively impacts their quality of life and relationship,” says Gonin-Spahni.
If this is the case – and there is no obvious temporary cause – Gonin-Spahni recommends a professional evaluation.
What are some possible causes of a loss of libido?
According to Gonin-Spahni, lack of sexual desire is almost always caused by multiple factors; there is rarely just one cause. One thing is often underestimated: “Psychosocial factors have a greater influence on libido than our hormones.”
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Physical factors
Chronic conditions such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, kidney disease, and rheumatic diseases can significantly reduce sexual desire.
Hormonal imbalances can also be a factor. These include, for example, an underactive thyroid, low testosterone and fluctuations in oestrogen levels during perimenopause and postmenopause.
Urological and gynaecological conditions such as erectile dysfunction in men, cysts, scarring or bladder infections in women, as well as pain associated with sexual activity, often lead to avoidance and, consequently, a decrease in libido.
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Psychological factors
“It is well documented scientifically that stress has a negative effect on libido,” says Gonin-Spahni.
Work-related stress, daily overload, (mental) exhaustion and lack of sleep are among the most common everyday causes of a decreased libido.
Depression, anxiety disorders, trauma and general fears about the future or financial security can also significantly reduce interest in sex.
Added to this is a negative body image – especially among women – or feelings of shame about being seen during sex or talking about one’s own sexual needs.
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Relationship
Conflict in a relationship, a lack of communication, reduced emotional intimacy or a long-standing routine in one’s sex life can dampen libido.
Differing sexual needs, pressure – for example, when planning a family, or the expectation that things “have to work” in bed – and unresolved sexual problems can also play a role.
Pornography consumption may have an impact, too, although research findings on this point are inconclusive. “Shared consumption, in particular, can certainly be a resource, but excessive consumption has a negative impact on a couple’s sex life,” says Gonin-Spahni. The reason is thought to be desensitisation caused by heavy porn consumption.
“In addition, a lack of sexual learning regarding what sexually stimulates you and brings you to climax, or a sex life that doesn’t meet your own needs, are factors that are often overlooked in discussions on this topic,” says Gonin-Spahni.
Cultural and social ideas about “proper” sexuality or pressure to perform sexually can also intensify feelings of guilt and inhibition.
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Lifestyle
Lack of exercise, obesity, smoking, heavy alcohol consumption, insufficient sleep and an unhealthy diet worsen our health and negatively affect our hormonal balance and self-perception – which also reduces sexual desire.
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Medication
Medication can also reduce libido. These include: Antidepressants, birth control pills, certain antihypertensive medicines, antipsychotics and medicines that lower testosterone levels.
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Life phases
As people age, their libido tends to decline, particularly due to hormonal changes or chronic illness.
Fluctuations in libido can also occur after childbirth, during menopause, in stressful periods of life or in long-term relationships. This is normal and a natural part of life.
Video: expert tips
What can I do to boost my libido?
There are many factors and treatment options that can help improve libido. However, sexologist Gonin-Spahni recommends the following as a first step: “Ask yourself how much sexual pleasure you experience.”
That is a crucial factor. “Experiencing sexual pleasure and orgasms activates the brain’s reward centres and motivates us to repeat the experience," she explains.
Then ask yourself: Under what conditions do I find sex truly pleasurable? What do I need for this – physically, cognitively, emotionally and in my relationship? “A lack of desire is sometimes less a physical deficiency than a sign that one”s sex life isn’t really fulfilling," says Gonin-Spahni.
In addition, there are many other measures that can boost libido.
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Exploring sexuality on your own
Solo sex is a form of self-care and a learning experience: you explore what feels good for your body.
Take your time – to explore touch, pressure and pace in different parts of the body, such as the chest, stomach, buttocks, legs and back. Solo sex isn’t about a “quick orgasm”.
Pay attention to your arousal curve: What helps you get started gradually, and at what point does it become “too fast”? This knowledge will help you better manage desire with your partner later on.
Also allow yourself to indulge in fantasies and erotic daydreams. During solo sex, you can explore your own personal erotic fantasies without having to worry about anyone else.
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Reducing stress in everyday life
Chronic stress and burnout are classic libido killers.
So reduce your stress to get back in the mood. Breathing exercises, meditation, mindfulness practices, walks in nature or gentle forms of exercise such as yoga or qigong can help.
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Exercise boosts desire
People who exercise regularly improve blood circulation throughout the body – including in the genital area – maintain a more balanced hormonal system, and experience an improved mood. That helps boost libido.
Exercise also strengthens muscles, improves posture and body awareness, and often boosts self-confidence and body image.
Studies show that a more positive view of one’s own body correlates with greater sexual satisfaction and greater openness to erotic contact.
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Targeted bodywork for pleasure
The pelvic floor is especially important here: A strong pelvic floor increases blood flow and sensitivity in the pelvic region and can improve sexual desire, the ability to reach orgasm and erectile function.
You can train it easily: consciously tighten your pelvic floor muscles several times a day – and then consciously relax them again.
Relaxation is just as important as tensing, because tension in the pelvic floor is often caused by stress, poor posture or improper postpartum recovery.
You can do this exercise while sitting, standing or lying down. Exercises such as the bridge, pelvic tilts or Pilates training also strengthen the pelvic floor.
Greater mobility and stability in the core also directly affect how we experience control, pleasure and freedom in our sex lives. Hip-opening exercises can help with this, such as pigeon pose, deep lunges and gentle hip circles, as can core exercises such as planks, bridges and abdominal exercises.
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Redefining sex
Talk openly with your partner about your desires, pressures and fears. Make time for each other and approach intimacy in a playful way.
In other words: take more time for foreplay, touch each other without focusing on the genital area or penetration, try new things and incorporate the sources of pleasure that arouse you during solo sex.
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Choose the right herbs
There are various plants and herbs that may help boost libido.
Maca is a plant native to the Peruvian Andes. Studies have shown with a high degree of consistency that taking it can improve libido. It’s best to mix the maca powder into your muesli or smoothie.
Ashwagandha, a herb known from Ayurveda, can also help reduce stress and boost vitality. Both are good for libido.
Ginseng is traditionally used as a tonic and aphrodisiac. Studies show that ginseng has a positive effect on blood flow and arousal.
From a naturopathic perspective, gut health, liver function and chronic inflammation also affect libido.
You can support these aspects through your diet with natural aphrodisiacs: focus on bitter compounds, found in chicory, radicchio, rocket, artichokes, grapefruit and dark chocolate, and omega-3 fatty acids, found in olive, rapeseed, linseed and walnut oils.
These herbs and spices also have anti-inflammatory properties: turmeric, ginger, garlic, cinnamon, oregano, basil, rosemary and thyme.
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Activating sexual energy with TCM
In traditional Chinese medicine, sexual energy is closely linked to kidney energy, which is considered the seat of innate essence and is said to nourish vital energy, fertility and sexual function.
Libido arises when kidney yin and kidney yang are in balance, the fire of the heart stimulates the fire of the kidneys, and liver qi flows freely.
To harmonise sexual energy, TCM uses acupuncture, herbal formulas and lifestyle adjustments, such as getting enough sleep and reducing stress.
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Fuel your libido with the right nutrients
Several nutrients support libido by helping to balance sex hormones, improve blood flow, enhance nerve function and mood, and reduce chronic inflammation:
- Vitamin A: A deficiency can disrupt the production of sex hormones. Vitamin A supports the function of the testicles and ovaries and therefore the hormonal basis of libido.
- Vitamin E: It has antioxidant properties, supports vascular and tissue health and can therefore have a positive effect on sexual performance.
- Vitamin C: This vitamin improves vascular function and oxygen supply to the cells, thereby supporting stress regulation and hormone production.
- B vitamins (B6, B12 & B9): They are important for energy production, the nervous system and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine). A deficiency can lead to fatigue, irritability and reduced sex drive.
- Zinc: This trace element plays a key role in the production of testosterone and sperm and supports the immune system.
- Magnesium: It supports hormone production, the nervous system and relaxation – and can also help reduce the body’s stress responses (particularly cortisol release), thereby indirectly boosting libido.
The most important thing: talk openly with your partner
When it comes to a fulfilling sex life, communication between partners is key.
But we often find it difficult. “Many people first have to learn how to talk about their sexual perceptions and needs,” says Gonin-Spahni. Sexuality remains a taboo topic in health education, and many people don’t learn enough about it either at home or in school.
It’s important to know that intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom. It grows from emotional connection, appreciation, everyday physical contact and the feeling of being seen by your partner. “These factors are important for many people in order for sexual desire to arise,” says the expert.
When this intimate trust is present, partners can talk more easily and openly about a lack of desire, avoid misunderstandings and work together to consider changes that may lead to greater intimacy and desire.
Honest, non-judgemental communication has also been shown to reduce stress and anxiety – which, in turn, creates a more relaxed foundation for pleasure and closeness.
Tips: how to have a successful conversation
Take the time to talk – without distractions or time pressure. Beforehand, think about what you want to discuss with your partner and how you want to approach it.
- First-person perspective: Speak from your own point of view. For example: “I realise that I don’t have much room for intimacy right now, and I’d like to talk to you about it,” instead of “You always want sex, and that’s annoying.”
- Common position: The conversation should be neither a confession nor an accusation, but rather a joint assessment of the current situation, with a view toward a shared objective and the steps needed to achieve it.
- Listen actively and stay curious: Give the other person time to explain their point of view, and interrupt them as little as possible. Ask open-ended questions – for example: “How are you experiencing our sex life right now?” From time to time, summarise what you’ve understood.
- Determine joint steps: Think together about realistic changes you’d like to try out together. For example: more casual closeness, stress reduction, a fair division of daily tasks, medical or therapeutic evaluation, and set times for spending time together.
- View the conversation as a process: Don’t expect a single conversation to solve everything. Sexologists recommend viewing such conversations as a recurring, mindful exchange. For example, you could sit down together once a month to see how things have been going and how you are both feeling.
Which healthcare professional should I contact?
The first point of contact is often your family doctor or, for women, a gynaecologist, and for men, a urologist. They can investigate physical or psychological causes and refer patients to other specialists if necessary.
However, professionals in the fields of medicine and psychology/psychotherapy are not automatically trained in sexual health. “That’s why they often don’t bring up the topic themselves in consultations,” says Gonin-Spahni.
It is therefore worth being persistent or seeking out a professional who specialises in sexual psychology or medicine. Specialist sexual health services offer low-threshold, confidential initial consultations that are often accessible without having to navigate the healthcare system and are free of charge.
In Switzerland, sexual health clinics are also available at university hospitals and larger cantonal hospitals.
When does sex therapy make sense?
Sex therapy is helpful when someone does not find their sexual life pleasurable and is unsure why they feel that way or how they could change the situation. Sexual counselling and therapy can guide specific learning processes in this area, says Gonin-Spahni.
This service is also recommended if physical causes have been ruled out or treated, yet the problem persists and relationship dynamics play a central role.
Therapy can also be helpful when sexuality is linked to shame, negative body image or traumatic past experiences, or when a cycle of pressure to perform, avoidance and withdrawal has taken hold.
“It usually takes just a few consultations to see a positive change, especially when the focus is on sexual education,” says the expert.
How does my health insurance help?
Basic insurance covers medically prescribed diagnostic tests and psychotherapy. Sexual counselling or therapy is not covered by basic insurance. Some supplementary insurance plans cover it – so it is best to check in advance whether you are eligible for coverage and, if so, how much.
Supplementary insurance plans also usually cover part of the cost of alternative therapies such as acupuncture, respiratory therapy, homoeopathy or naturopathy.
Conclusion
Desire can be learned. All you need is curiosity to get to know yourself and your partner better on an intimate level, the right knowledge about what kills and what boosts desire, and open communication about what you want sexually and what might make you feel uncomfortable.
